she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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