mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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