Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
