I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
