i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
