Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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