Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
