you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Two words: nipple clamps
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