Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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