This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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