the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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