Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
