Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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