Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She bit a glass in half.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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