At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize