Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
