dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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