Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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