this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
