so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
