at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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