i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
