fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just want nice things and good sex
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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