saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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