cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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