You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
