i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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