My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
