when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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