When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize