like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
did i walk over a car last night?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
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