Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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