I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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