I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
