3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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