Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
