i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
