I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
