running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
