No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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