Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
