I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
