But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
