I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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