Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
