Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Dick very happy bro
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
