And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
