Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
