I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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