just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize