And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
