Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
