the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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