New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
