Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
