At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
