Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just high enough for therapy.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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