I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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