We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
