i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
