just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
