So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
