Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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