needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
