apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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