come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
