Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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