Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
