While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
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