Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
