I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
