therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
if only i could text you this smell
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
