I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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