Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
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