And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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