dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize