the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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