In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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