I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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