every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
