Cold hands, warm shart.
Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
