Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize