..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
