Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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