So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
